Orange Is the New Black is arguably the most popular original programming Netflix has ever made. Having recently finished its sixth season, OITNB has traced Piper Chapman's journey through the American penal system since it debuted back in 2013. Piper (Taylor Schilling) has dealt with all kinds of trials and tribulations over the course of the series, and at the center of it all has been Alex Vause (Laura Prepon), Piper's smuggling ex-girlfriend who got her into jail in the first place.
While the story is fictional, it is loosely based on Piper Kerman's book of the same name, and Alex is based on Kerman's real-life lover, Catherine Cleary Wolters. Piper (both the real and fictional versions) went to jail because she was an accomplice of her girlfriend. TV's Piper was surprised to find that they ended up in the same prison. Since then, the two have been enemies, friends, lovers, and rivals, and romance finally won out when they were "prison married" in the sixth season.
It should be no surprise that there are more than a few things that make no sense about this romance. Neither Piper nor Alex is above lying and tricking to get their way, but neither likes to be lied to. They've each betrayed the other, left the other, and frustrated the other, as their love has been anything but a smooth ride. Alex and Piper's relationship is the foundation the show is built on, so it's worth examining exactly what doesn't work about it.
Here are 20 Things That Make No Sense About Alex And Piper's Relationship.
Alex’s mysterious absence
The first few episodes of OITNB's sixth season tried to create tension and mystery in a somewhat cheap way: Piper couldn't figure out where Alex was following the riot. Going through multiple episodes' worth of subplots where she thinks Alex escaped or even perished, Piper is put through the ringer only to find out Alex had been injured and recuperating in a hospital.
Alex's absence didn't really make sense-- somehow nobody knew what happened to her, plus her botched surgery explanation was pretty contrived-- but the show's writers had to scramble to cover for the real reason she wasn't appearing. Laura Prepon had given birth right at the start of production, and needed several weeks before coming back.
Their relationship timeline
There is one constant refrain among fans of Orange Is the New Black when it comes to plot holes: the timeline has never made sense. The show, now six seasons in, has packed in tons of storylines, several emotional twists and turns, and more than one pregnancy, so it's flat-out impossible that it has all taken place over the span of just two years.
That's right, technically Piper Chapman's prison sentence was originally only supposed to last 15 months. While she had some time added on for assault, her prison stay can't be much more than 24 months. That means that all of Alex and Piper's tumultuous relationship, all the ups and downs, have happened over the course of a few months. It just doesn't hold up.
ALEX SNITCHED ON PIPER AND LIED ABOUT IT
Maybe we're old-fashioned, but we probably wouldn't recommend dating the person who got you embroiled in a criminal enterprise then ratted you out to the cops. That's exactly what Piper does, gets into a relationship with Alex after she gets her arrested and convicted.
Not only that, Alex lies about what she did for quite some time after the two meet up in jail. This sets their reconciliation back some time, as they can't truly make peace with one another until Alex is actually honest. It's not the last time Alex is manipulative on OITNB, but to start a relationship with the person who won't even fess up to the way she betrayed you is not exactly the best dating advice in the world.
They betrayed each other even after getting thrown in jail
What, did you think getting into jail would be the only time these two betrayed each other? A relationship that starts with betrayal is likely to continue with betrayal, and Piper and Alex sure didn't buck that trend. Any fan knows that the two have had their ups and downs over the course of the show, but at some point you have to wonder how anyone would end up together with this history.
Beginning with Alex snitching on Piper and continuing through their flings with other people, Alex flipping her story to get out of prison while telling Piper to lie, and Piper telling the cops of Alex's plan to break parole, the two of them have proven themselves to be ready to betray one another for personal gain several times over.
PIPER'S FLING WITH STELLA
Ruby Rose's debut on OITNB caused a huge stir among the fanbase and the media in season three, and her character Stella Carlin drove much of the main plot of that season. Piper teamed up with Stella in a scheme to sell the inmates' clothing, and eventually became romantically interested in her.
Piper then two-timed on Alex with Stella, a move that was obviously always going to end badly. Sure enough, it did, with Stella stealing from Piper and Piper betraying her by planting contraband in her bunk. This whole season, then, felt like something of a cul de sac for Piper's relationship with Alex, as she took broke up with her just because she fancied a new inmate. It doesn't seem like the stuff the strongest relationships are built from.
The real-life Alex has issues with the show
Alex Vause is one of the most central characters to Orange Is the New Black because she is based on Piper Kerman's real-life ex who started a smuggling operation, Catherine Cleary Wolters. However, Wolters is a little annoyed with the way the show has portrayed her life, starting with how they portray her relationship with Piper.
Wolters made it clear in an interview that she never lured Piper the way the show implies she did, and their relationship was never as serious as the series makes it out to be. She described the situation as closer to friends-with-benefits than committed girlfriends, and she stated that she definitely wasn't Piper's first girlfriend. The reality was that the relationship was much less romantic and Piper was much less innocent than in the show.
Alex’s fling with Nicky
The end of OITNB's first season found a whirlwind series of events between Piper and Alex, with Piper seeming to choose Larry over her. Alex then revealed some truths to Larry about their relationship, and he ended their engagement. Alex then chose to have a brief fling with fellow inmate Nicky instead of comfort Piper.
This is the only time Nicky and Alex get it on in the series, and it clearly only exists to briefly hurt Piper. Nicky and Alex remain friends throughout most of the show, but they get intimate here for almost no reason-- just because it slightly relates to Alex's feelings about Piper. It's kind of a cheap move and the writers seem to realize that, given that they never went back to this well.
Getting prison married
Piper's relationship with Alex has gotten noticeably warmer over the last few seasons, and that all came to a head when Piper proposed to Alex in season five. This led to the couple getting "prison married" in the next season, just before Piper gets released from jail.
The main question here is why didn't the two just get actually married? It's not like prisoners are forbidden from getting legally married to one another. Plus, the actual ceremony was really jokey and awkward with Nicky and Morello presiding over it. The two said some nice things, but some fans thought it felt just a little underwhelming, considering how much the couple has gone through to get there.
THEIR FUTURE WITH PIPER OUT OF PRISON
Orange Is the New Black ended its sixth season with a surprising development: Piper Chapman gets out of jail. The season ends ambiguously, with no clear indication of how she'll handle life on the outside, or even what she'll do. One thing fans had to wonder was, what will happen with her relationship with Alex?
The show's producers don't plan to write Piper out of the show in its final season, but it's hard to imagine exactly how they'll generate conflict and interest with Alex in jail and Piper out of it. It's a tough storytelling problem, and there's no indication of what the writers' solution will be. For now, fans just have to wait.
They never rekindled their romance in real life
Catherine Cleary Wolters doesn't just have problems with how the show romanticizes and sensationalizes her life, she also points out that it isn't based in truth at all. Piper Kerman never got back together with her ex-girlfriend in prison. She wouldn't have had much of an opportunity-- they were only actually in the same facility for a total of five weeks.
Wolters and Kerman never completely forgave one another for their past, and they certainly didn't have a tumultuous romance spanning several years in jail. In the short time they were in jail with one another they did manage a bit of closure, but they both agree that the Piper/Alex relationship is an invention of the show.